Attention Illinois Surrogate Mothers! We need you!!! Zara's agency has a waiting list of IP's who would like an IL GS and we are in need of new candidates. If you're interested please email me at alicia@familysourcesurrogcy.com

Of course anyone who lives in the Midwest area please feel free to contact me too as we do match through out the Midwest, it's just we have a really high demand for IL surrogates right now.

I turned 29 this week, it was 6 years ago this month that I first typed "surrogate mother" into Yahoo search and started my path to helping create happiness. As a surrogate mother I've helped bring 3 children into this world and as a donor I know for certain at least one family has a baby and I'm lead to believe that there are at least 2 more babies as well.

It such a blessing to be involved in this amazing process. It's addiciting but I understand why. It's a permenant warm fuzzy for us. Every time we see pictures of the families we help create or here about how happy Mom and Dad are with their children it warms my heart and makes everything I've gone through completely worth it.

Someone wrote this amazing poem and shared it with all of us Surrogates, it rings so true. For those who ask how can you do that? Isn't it hard to be a surrogate? No, I can say for certain it is not, it's one of the most important, amazing, life changing things I've ever done and I am forever grateful to be able to have these experiences.

Our friendship started differently
than most friendships I've had.
We had to search each other out
because of something sad.

A precious child to fill your hearts
is what you're longing for.
Infertility has made it hard
to open up that door.

And so a search began for you
to find a helping heart.
So similar to my own search
not knowing where to start.

For me the search is special
it requires such great care.
A couple to help have a child...
the fruit my search must bare.

Now we've found each other
so much more real it seems.
Through faith and hope and honesty
we're moving toward your dream.

But the dream we have,
it is the same,
a dream that's filled with firsts.
First smiles, first laughs, first steps, first words....
all starting with a birth.

Often times I find myself
wondering what it's like
to have to trust a stranger
with such a precious life.

And though I can't imagine
all that you've been through,
I've been so blessed in my life
I'm drawn to helping you.
And I hope you know I'll do my best
to bring a child to you.

Some people call us Angels
us surro-moms to be.
But I don't feel Angelic,
I just feel like me.

Our journey is just starting,
and no one knows the end.
I pray it brings to you a child
and brings to me a friend.

Well I guess I shouldn't update my blog until I'm cycling because each time I do it falls threw. This time I suppose it can be my fault. My former ED IM wanted a two for one cycle arrangement and I just couldn't make it work for me. It seemed like an over commitment and although I did my best to compromise it just wasn't want my IM wanted so we parted ways. I took down my ad this time. I think I'm done at 5, I don't know.

I have a few other things going on in my life that make sense to put first and I guess I'll have to just wait and see if my future brings one final donation that ends well. It probably won't be until later next year, I'll be 30 then too...since I just turned 29 today so I'm doubtful I'll match. I suppose I could just update my status as "Retired Egg Donor" BUT I am a women and women are fickle.

For the last two years I've said I was done being pregnant and I didn't want to go through a pregnancy again but here I am still not ready to officially retire. I just never know, and I'd hate to eat my words! LOL Although I said I'm done I didn't really cherish my last pregnancy as my last and mentally I don't have that closure. Don't be surprised if my next update is something pregnancy related ;)

But in the meantime here are some pictures from my visit to see Zara and family. Bella and Noah are going to be 5 years old in a few months, they are so grown! And too sweet!







Unfortunately no new pictures of Ben yet. His 2nd birthday is coming up in May and Jess said we need to get together to celebrate. I hope to see them soon. It does stink a bit to only see them once a year but at least I have that:)

Okay hope this is the good one! I matched indy with a traditional couple in Oregon. The IM is GREAT! She's so kind, warm, open. We see eye to eye on the disclosure issue and she is treating me great, offering to turn the E/R into a family vacation for me. I'm excited.

We have a few details to work out. She asked for a two cycle commitment with a miscarriage clause, I totally empathize with her and agreed to work out the logistics but it's proving to be a little stressful to make things fair all the way around. I am all for making sure she has a baby from this no matter what but it looks like the timing may take me into next year at the worse case scenario. I have a few other things going on in my life now, like getting ready to start going for my Bachelors degree and a few other personal things that make me a little uneasy about such a LONG commitment. I hope we can hash out the details to the best interest of both parties.

Then I have to get the clinic to approve me and see what I have to do for testing. I sent my records over but haven't heard back yet. I hope they don't tell my IM to pick a younger, newer donor:( If they do I'm going to retire. LOL So fingers crossed we work out the logistics, I get approved and we move forward for a May/June egg retrieval!

Well I could see this coming. The IM I spoke to and so easily matched with finally admitted her husband wasn't comfortable with a known donation so the match fell threw. I'm okay with it because they said they weren't going to disclose and I struggled with that. I would prefer open, honesty.

So I'm available again. I placed another ad since my old one expired and got a few emails from some agencies. Who knows if it will pan out. I did however get another email from an IM that contacted me back in DEC asking for more information. It was funny to me because we had already exchanged a lot of info, spoken back and forth a few times and then POOF she stopped replying. The last time I heard from her was on Dec 19th and then out of the blue she replied to my ad like she didn't even know who I was.

Like I said in my previous post, I'm seeing a trend lately. I hate that we are given so little thought that it's easy enough to totally forget that you've already communicated with a donor. It's like it's all good till something better comes along and then NEXT!

Even with just a few correspondence I dedicate myself to who I'm talking to and get excited to help them. I'd never just blow them off and forget them altogether. I actually take a personal interest in those I speak to. I even remember individuals I spoke to years ago and hope and wonder if they had a baby.

Well anyway, here's hoping I find a good match soon.

Well Jessica did get pregnant and although her beta numbers were really, really low for the stage her first u/s showed a viable pregnancy. I was shocked! I was as shocked to hear that at the second scan the baby didn't have a heartbeat any longer. I feel so bad for my IF's and Jessica to have to go through that, they didn't have any frozen embryos so they have to start all over again.

Of course I offered to donate again and I was going to even do it "pro bono" but as it turns out their RE suggested they not use me again. I was a little heart broken when I got the news. I had waited a week or more to hear what the next step was so I emailed to ask. I guess I shouldn't be surprised but it still stung a little. The RE said he wanted them to use someone under 25, I'm 28 and someone who hasn't cycled as many times. I've done 5 cycles.

So that means I'm now unmatched and looking. I was contacted by an agency via my ad a few weeks ago, it seemed like that would pan out but it's been over a week and no response back yet. The last I heard the couple is on vacation and will get back to me when they return. I'm not so sure about that, oh well.

Then I got another email from an independent couple. We exchanged a few emails and all looked good. The IM had me call her and said she wanted to match. I told her to have her clinic send me the paperwork to get things going. That was 3 days ago and I haven't heard anything from her or the clinic. I'm not sure what to think. I sent an email to her asking if she got a hold of them and I haven't gotten a reply back yet.

I wish it wasn't like this when trying to match, this whole hurry up and wait uncertainty. And more than that that ED's and SM's aren't treated with the respect they should sometimes. We've all been through the torture of thinking we've found a good match just for them to fall off the face of the earth. Heck the couple from Greece still denies even knowing who I am even though I spent 18 days of my life there trying to help them conceive. I takes very little effort to place a call or email to let the other party know where things stand.

Sigh

Our trip to LA was fantastic! We got, Nate and I got to do lots of fun things like horseback ride, go to Universal and Six Flags and down to Hollywood Blvd. The retrieval went great too and was only one day off when I thought, on Tues the 6th they retrieved 12 eggs, 9 were mature and my IF's had 8 embryos on day 3 so they were planning on a day 5 transfer which is in 2 days from now. I'm super anxious to find out what happens, the guys are great and their SM is super sweet. I just wish I would have been able to meet her too. Here are some pictures..


At the wax museum


At Six Flags with Nate


My IF's and their older daughter

All is in place and we're moving forward! I got my calender for my Circle/Open donation yesterday. Our clinic is going to be in LA Pacific Fertility Centers so I'm excited to be going back to CA. We start lupron on the 15th of this month...so in 5days and my E/R should fall on Nov 5th if I go by what I typically do. My IF's are so excited to get going and I can't wait to meet them. I hope we meet at the E/R...I think that they'd be there to do the fert.

I'm also going to get to see my Zara and company this month. They're coming to my Halloween party for my playgroup. I'm thrilled I get to show them off to everyone! LOL I'm be back then with pictures of everyone in their costumes!

Oh and since I have shared any in a long time here are some pictures of Bella and Noah and some of Jamison since you all shared that pregnancy with me too!

I heard from my new IF's and they are matched with their surrogate! She is in Oregon and a first timer, we've been emailing back and forth today and she seems really great. I was told it should be a Oct/Nov cycle and since I'm finalizing my contracts right now I think that should be on track.

I still haven't heard anything about my last donation in Vegas, from the sounds of it I won't be told which isn't what I thought initially. BUT the coordinator already emailed me and asked me to donate AGAIN through them! LOL Of course I was sad to say no because I am currently matched but it was great to have her email already and if I don't find out if the couple got pregnant I'll take it as a good sign anyways.